A Guide To Surviving IKEA

Tuesday February 24th, 2015

I moved! I’m officially part of the ‘big girl league’ and moved out on my own.

I’ve been craving a place of my own ever since I came back home from college. Turns out you need a steady source of income and mental stability in order to make it out on your own. After I got my shit together, I started looking for an apartment in Antwerp. Which turned out to be harder than getting a degree in physics. No time to research, just find something that doesn’t have gaping holes in the ceiling and go-go-go!

In retrospect, renting the apartment wasn’t the hardest part. My toughest crucible was surviving IKEA. Don’t get me wrong, I love the store. But I only ever went there to get random stuff. It was more an ‘I-just-want-a-spoon-and-walked-out-with-a -kitchen’ situation. I never ACTUALLY needed anything. I had to get my furniture for three different IKEA’s if I wanted a sofa, a table AND a bed. Ermahgerd I’m so needy, right?

I learned a lot about myself those couple of weeks. I’m completely incapable of accepting or asking for help. Turns out I can’t carry that 240 pound sofa up the stairs by myself. Not even if you squint real bad and make grunty noises.

But I learned even more about IKEA. Like, never ever go on a Saturday. Really, NEVER! The entire planet will be in IKEA. Some of them won’t bother to follow the directional arrows and go against the flow. You have my permission to run these people over with your cart. These people just want to see the world burn.

Also, don’t bother pronouncing the furniture. I bought a wardrobe named DOMBÅS. The infodesk-lady knew exactly what I wanted when I asked her for the ‘dumbass’ closet.

ALWAYS trust the website! Even if the employee hands you one box and tells you “Yes ma’am, this package is the entire sofa”. When the site clearly states that you should be getting 3 separate boxes. You’ll end up with a legless sofa without covers.

And just buy everything at once. Even the decoration for that shelf you probably won’t hang for 6 months. It’ll be just as pretty sitting in the back of your ‘dumbass’ wardrobe.

Oh and: DON’T GO ON A SATURDAY! (really, you should know better by now)

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