Why You Should Never, Ever, Ever Get A Tattoo (but Having a Baby is Fine)

“You’ll change your mind when you get older”. That’s usually the reaction I get when I tell people I’m not planning on having any children.

Sometimes it seems to me that a woman is obligated to bear children just because she has a vagina. Can’t I just enjoy the organ without having to create something with it? I have a bunch of paintings in my home. That doesn’t mean I would make a great painter.

It’s just not for me. I don’t have the slightest bit of maternal instinct in me. I’ve never held a baby in my life and the thought of holding one scares the living sh*t out of me. I mean… it wouldn’t be the first time I ROFL’ed because I saw a baby fall flat on it’s face.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging people who love kids and can’t get enough of them. It must feel amazing to love and care unconditionally for something you created. I’m just saying that I would make a bad parent.

A while back, I read this post by ‘The Ugly Volvo’. It doesn’t happen often that I applaud and laugh out loud during reading. But this post had me going. Probably because I have a thing for tattoo’s (so you can’t blame my fear of motherhood on commitment issues. I’m committed to my tattoo’s for life).

Note that this post is written by a mother. Here are some of my favorite parts:

Why You Should Never, Ever, Ever Get A Tattoo (but Having a Baby is Fine)

“A Tattoo is Forever”
Yes, a tattoo is forever. Totally forever! Except that a tattoo can, if needed, be erased with a laser. No comments on how there are some days when you want to temporarily erase your three-year-old with a laser.

“A tattoo will ruin your body.”
It totally will, right? Also what will sort of ruin it is carrying another human inside your body for the better part of a year and then pushing it out an opening ten centimeters wide and then attempting to breastfeed it. Followed by the stress of trying to raise it to adulthood. Let me know if doing all that ruins your body any more or less than the butterfly on the small of your back.

“It’s going to be more expensive than you realize.”
It is SO expensive. There are tons of basic costs at the beginning but I can’t even explain how much it’s going to cost to put this tattoo through college.

“You don’t know if it’s going to be clean or safe. Also, you know it’s going to hurt, right?”
Luckily, having a kid can easily be summed up by the words “clean” and “safe.” Also, “painless.”

“You’re excited about it right now, but how are you going to feel about it in 15 years?”
You’re right, I’m totally going to want to strangle it in fifteen years.

I love this post. I strongly recommend you reading it over here.

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